:: T-minus 12 Hours ::

A classmate sent me this text message, three days ago.. "I am happy if i can be 70% of you, my role model, good luck!"

Role model? Me?

It's been three days and I'm still unable to absorb her kind, undeserving words.. a role model.. me?

I've been slacking off these last few days... sleeping a tad too much and just unable to focus. even now, in my last 13 hours, i'm blogging.. something I know I wouldn't do if I were really "role model material".. somehow, her words sounded like an expectation.. an expectation that i was scared i might not be able to meet.

What if I don't get 4.0 again this term? Would that mean that I'm not as smart as I thought I was? or would it mean that I didn't put in as much effort as I should have, when I could have? Frankly, I'm a little scared.. I've done quite well in assignments and term tests.. and even on my first paper.. but it's these last two papers that I worry most about.

I'm so scared i will screw up. I have no room to screw up. I can't screw up. Another ex-study groupie of mine sent me this text.. "You tu dari sem lepas macam ni.. tapi pastu, score. Anxiety order kalau tak silap la masa kita belajar sama dulu."

tapi pastu, score? haha... how i wish i was always, always this person. doesn't mean that by doing great the first time, i will always be doing great.. like all the time.. I was never a straight A student. I've taken a lot of things lightly all my life..

...and tonight, i feel pressured.

Great.

Oh, James (Morrison)... how i wish i was there tonight to hear you sing. I didn't think that it would bother me this much that I wasn't going.. but apparently it does bother me.. a lot.

I can't believe that i'm missing your concert tonight.. and I guess I have to stop brooding over it cos what's the point? I'm at home and you're like... there.

I feel extremely sad tonight.. How I miss having someone who would love to do things that I like, with me, right now.. and geez, who would have thought i'd be crying over james morrison's concert.. *shakes head in disbelief*

You'll be playing on my pc tonight.. I think the loneliness is taking over my emotions laa.. The Loneliness (Babyface).. hah.. that's ONE song I should AVOID tonight.. lest, I wanna fuck the exams and end up crying the whole freakin' night.. *sighs*

For every piece of me that wants you.. Another piece backs away...