:: The Adorable Cookie Monster ::

:: There's Just You.. ::

After my first post of the year, I wanted to blog more about my TV.. my birthday.. Valentines and the days after.. but I never found the time or the mood to just sit and write. Putting it in simple words and also without revealing too much, those days were awesome.

There have been many nights of late which have been bothering me.. I don't know what I'm really bothered about though.. It's just that those nights when I'm travelling in my car, the radio seems to have this thing where it starts to play the most jiwang songs it can find. A few times dy I've texted my macai when this happens "The radio is doing it again!".. the night before was Taylor Dane's Love Will Lead You Back.. James Ingram's Just Once.. and well, I can't quite remember but it was obviously jiwang.. tonight there was The Jets' You Got It All.. Billy Ocean's There'll Be Sad Songs (to Make You Cry).. Curtis Stigers' I Wonder Why.. Tony Rich Project's Nobody Knows.. Boyz II Men's End of The Road... and the list of jiwang songs just goes on and on and on!

Watching yet another episode of One Tree Hill, I realized something.. Unfortunately, I already know what will happen between Lucas and stupid Peyton.. however in the episode I just watched, the things Lindsay said to Lucas tonight was awesome. Even though Peyton might forever be Lucas' true love but to me, Peyton blew it big time when she said "someday".. okay, fine.. to me Peyton blew it the minute she kissed Lucas when she got shot in the leg and ended up breaking up indeed my fav couple (Lucas-Brooke)..

I always thought that I'd love my ex forever. My ex never had the ultimate commendable qualities in a person and in a partner.. but being the kind of person that I am, I strongly believed that a person could change if they want to. In fact, I still am a strong believer of that thought. When my ex dumped me (and the rest) and went for another, I was quite impressed that my ex wasn't cheating anymore.. that perhaps my ex realized that it was time to change the old ways to make that new relationship work.. alas, 7-8 months into that relationship, i found out that nothing has changed. My ex is unfortunately still the same. (of course i don't know how long exactly the old ways found its way back.. but it did..)

Many months ago, my broken heart was touched by this really incredible soul.. no, not my ex you dimwits.. someone new! :p Even though I was smitten quite fast by this person.. but it did take a while for my heart to mend itself.. for my heart to be able to start trusting another person again and to love this person with everything I've got.. a few months with this person, I already knew that I would NEVER, EVER go back to my ex, even if my life depended on it. In fact, I'd rather be miserably single than to ever go back to my ex... cos the funny thing is, even if i were to go back to this ex, i'd still be miserably single WITH a bad habit (or two!).. try psychotic, paranoid, angry, depressed.. basically, all the bad habits I've worked hard to ditch.

There's just something about this new person.. something real. I feel at ease when I'm with this person.. I don't find the urge or a reason to go all mental.. Sure we have fights, usually petty ones that lasts just over a few hours, at most. I smile more. I laugh more.. and close friends can actually SEE that I'm genuinely happy.

and while I was crooning to "You Got It All" in the car tonight.. It made me think of this person.. Yeah, I know there's a Britney-version out there sweetheart, but I love The Jets' version more.

No, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh you can surely see
You're so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best?
Don't you know, don't you know

You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you're all that he's not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
All over him

Hmm... you know what?

There's no one else I wanna be with..

"There's just you".

:: Welcome 2008 ::

I was beginning to wonder when exactly I was gonna start blogging again but at 3am?? geez...

It's three weeks into the New Year.. Has it been all that it's cut out to be, or is it just potentially another road to disaster?

New Years Eve was fantastic. I spent it over a last-minute small barbeque with the people I love and ushered in the new year. That barbeque will in fact be the last one I ever have in Desa Haras. Unnoticingly, I have lived in Desa Haras for the past 16 years. Those 16 years are the reason I met my best friends in the first place, possibly best friends for life.

Spent New Years Day hiking in Sungai Chiling. What a way to start of the New Year huh? Everywhere else people are suffering from a bloody hangover and these people here are up by 7-ish, all set to go on a mini hike down the stream.. at least it's a healthy attempt in ushering the New Year! hehe... It was a very fun and tiring day, I must say.. can't wait for our next excursion to was it Sg. Pisang or Tanglir falls? which ever man.. i'm up for it.

What else? Ahh yes... The Amazing Race.. Can't wait for the Season Finale tonight.. I must say that I am very unhappy that Azaria and Hendekea are out of the race.. They were by far my favorite team and I'm soooo glad that Jennifer and Nathan are booted out as well because I just can't stand them!! urgh... they must be one of the most annoying contestants for this season. Now we're down to the Final Three (and season Finale)..

Ronald and Christina... They had a rough start together, even as father and daughter.. haha.. I sooo know how that is actually.. I, for the life of me cannot imagine my dad and I working side-by-side for weeks on end... we'd prolly disagree on EVERYTHING.. Ronald gave Christina a hard time for quite a while, initially.. however they have made a big change in the last 2 episodes.. which is good. They finally managed a strong bond which is quite nice.. and most potential to win the Final leg, in my opinion.

TK and Rachel have been doing well from the start as well.. they are one of the most calm and laid-back couples in this race, which is amazing. you don't hear them screaming at each other all the time like jen and nate.. they work with each other well and i believe, tried their best to be where they are now.. and considering that they were in last place the week before last and they also had to endure the speed bump last week, they still made it to second place. Which is utterly impressive. I shall say that they are more of the cool and collected couple. They may not appear as aggresive as Ronald and Christina but their calmness may just be their winning factor. I think they have potential to win this final leg as well.. but of course my confidence lie within Ronald and Christina for obvious reasons.

Next is Nicolas and Donald.. well, I have been biased about them since Day One. I have wanted them out like since forever.. especially that episode when Donald stripped down to his underwear for that mud-jump.. ewww... (no wonder I can't sleep.. i'm still traumatized by it.. haha) anyways.. even in my most biased opinion, I must take my hat off (well, fine.. i'm not exactly wearing a hat or a cap at 3:48am.. but you know what I mean..) as they have proved to be good enough to be where they are now; The Final Three.. and I'm pretty sure they would do their very best in tonight's race.. Considering that they are Grandad and Grandson, they have done well in staying IN.

I really wish that it was Azaria and Hendekea though. Now they would be stronger competition for Ronald and Christina.

Moving on to The Amazing Race: Asia.. Marc and Rovilson are doing sooo well.. I love how they work with each other. They communicate well and they do things fast. You definitely don't hear them arguing and screaming at each other.. Just as Collin and Adrian. They've been doing pretty well too.. It's a pity sometimes cos they really wanna come in first at the end of the leg but still miss the opportunity by mere minutes. They fall in second place most of the time. They are an equally good team.

As for the rest.. well, the other three teams consist of two Malaysian and one Thailand. Touching on the Malaysian teams first.. Sisters Pamela and Vanessa are not too bad actually.. They used to come in third place in most of the legs, if I recall correctly.. but in the recent leg, they came in fourth place unfortunately to a team I don't really like.. that is the other Malaysian team, Ann and Diane.. now they have made so many enemies in the race.. that just about every team wants them eliminated. i think Daichi and Sawaka has just about the biggest bone to pick with them especially since it was their devious tricks that got Daichi and Sawaka eliminated. However, Daichi and Sawaka were not a strong team, even as brother and sister. They didn't really have what it takes to stay in. Ann and Diane are doing what they can to survive.. they're not really in it to "make friends".. they're in it to win. So maybe they don't really give a rats-ass if everyone just about hates them.. maybe they're nice people in person? *blerghh* i don't know.. i don't like em. (yes, again i'm biased)... somehow i do hope they get eliminated in the next leg. well, can't hurt to wish now, can it? hehe..

How can you not love Paula and Natasha? They are soooo adorable.. and fun.. and funny.. and relaxed. I like them. Their team spirit runs high.. they deserve to be the Top 4 (and boot Ann and Diane out, hopefully)..

I would like to see Pamela and Vanessa win in the Finale, well only cause they're Malaysian.. hehe.. however, i believe competition is gonna be a tight one between Marc and Rovilson and Collin and Adrian. I don't mind either of them coming in First place. Both teams very much deserves it actually.

Okay.. now that I've covered both Amazing Races.. moving on.. ooh! One Tree Hill is back.. Yep, Season 5 and it's four years later in Tree Hill.. Two reasons to watch OTH: Reason #1: James "Jamie" Lucas Scott (Jackson Brundage) he's such a sweetie and so fcukin adorable.. he makes me wanna just squish him and adopt him myself! Have you seen his smile? Seeing him in the past 3 episodes just makes me melt.. and Reason #2 of course, my fictional cinta hati, Brooke Davis (Sophia Bush) is already hot to begin with.. she's only getting hotter AND hotter by the season.. Oh, I could also throw in a third reason to watch OTH.. Bethany Joy Galeotti (Haley James Scott) looks soooo much hotter in Season 5 then she ever was in ANY other season.

Other casts, well.. Nathan looks like a homeless guy who just got shelter.. but that's due to his own fault for not walking away from a fight he could have avoided in the first place.. so morale of the story, "just walk away if it's an option cos sometimes fighting back is not worth it".. Lucas is Lucas.. dating hot editor, Lindsay and of course, I do not put it past Lucas to screw it ALL up for ex-bitchy-girlfriend, Peyton Sawyer.. Yes, I STILL DO NOT LIKE THEM TOGETHER.. i highly doubt CW can make me change my mind about Lucas and Peyton in the next 9 episodes before she says "I Do" to him.. (oops, sorry.. a spoiler for you :ppp)

haha.. generally i FUCKING HATE spoilers.. but since someone in cyberspace ruined it for me.. and had to ruin it with BAD news lak tu.. so i just have to bitch about it in here. oh, and with the writer's strike still ongoing.. instead of the 22-episodes planned for Season 5, they only have 12-episodes so far.. and this 12th episode, the one where stupid lucas marries stupid peyton.. it marks OTH's 100th episode (on the whole) which is also entitled "Hundred".

Oh my God.. I just realized I've been blogging about TV and it's 4:33am.. but then again, I LOVE One Tree Hill and so far, no other TV show can get me all emo.

Grey's Anatomy.. I would just loveeee to shoot Meredith Grey, if possible.. well, she AND McDreamy. I love McDreamy but him as a person.. not him and Meredith.. they tire me out. Their back-and-forth relationship reminded me of my own (once upon a time).. so, it's no wonder why I wanna shoot them both. They have yet-again decided to part.. I hope this time it's for good, but I highly doubt it..  have a strong feeling that Meredith and Derek will be together, someday.

I can't stand George.. he's sooo dorky of late and urgh.. especially after his whole incident with Izzie.. makes me not like him even more. I didn't really like him with Callie either.. Callie O'Malley.. bahahahaha.... that still makes me (and my brother) laugh silly..

Yang finally has a heart.. which is amazing.. but I love Cristina.. she's funny even when she doesn't plan to be.. hehe.. I just wished Cristina and Preston would have worked out.. that would have been nice.

This season be prepared to see Derek with Rose.. I can't stand Rose.. dah la tak lawa.. I find her simply annoying as well.. ooh.. Mark and Hahn should just get it on.. I can't stand Erica Hahn either but well.. somehow, Mark and Hahn might just make a nice couple. The sexual tension between them is sooooooo there, it's so obvious.

Who am I missing? nothing much to say about Alex.. Izzie, I find her annoying lately. So i'm not gonna bother touching on her as well. Ooh..!! I miss Addison in Grey's.. and speaking of which, Addison's spin-off, Private Practice is quite enjoyable actually.. however, due to the writer's strike, again.. they can't get past Episode 9 just yet.. but i think the 9 episodes that i've watched are pretty good..

Prison Break is back in session, after 56 days of a break... Just watched episode 9 tonight and it was as usual, worth the watch. I love Prison Break like hell.. but I don't get all emo about it though.. hehe.. Well, they're ALL still in Sona, so that's that. I don't like that Whistler guy.. there's just something not right about him.. He's not annoying though.. he's just fishy. Now, Susan B. I don't like. That's one crazy heartless bitch.

10 long days to Season 4 of Lost. That one, I'm anxiously waiting for as well.. I love Lost. Hmm... can't believe I'll be turning 28 the day after the premier though.. Time really flies.

Okay, it's 5am. I should get some sleep.. I have my Monday Morning Meeting to endure come 9am.. I shall continue blogging later then.

:: 2007's Finale ::

It’s been about a week and a half since I last blogged. (sorta like, it’s been about a week and a half since my last confession! haha..) Many events have happened since then.. Raja Haji hols were nice.. I had the place all to myself.. bachelor pad laa konon.. heh.. Went to an old friends’ wedding over the weekend.. that must have been the FIRST ever wedding that I’ve been to whereby I noticed that the bride was unhappy to be married. Well, I may be wrong, but I doubt it. Come on.. facial expression won’t give out a frown when you’re ecstatic, right? Furthermore, a normal happy person would be happy to see you (esp if you haven’t seen the person for yearssss on end!) Then there was Christmas Eve and the snatch-thief event that followed the great dinner. Assholes. Spoiled a really great night out.. tak ke menyusahkan orang kena buat balik IC, Driver’s license, cancel credit cards / ATM cards, keys etc… that’s just one part.. you can kiss whatever else that’s in the handbag goodbye, including other sentiments and my car-house keys. No, I wasn’t mugged but my friend was. Dah la kena mugged.. luka lak tu.. kesian kan.. I’m still pretty pissed with the whole incident and I also feel bad for what my friend had to endure.. She’s still pretty traumatized by the incident.. well, I may not say it out loud or show it but I’m traumatized as well. It kinda strengthens the fact why I don’t carry a handbag in the first place.. well, that, among other reasons of course. What else? Well.. today’s the end of 2007. The last day of this year. This year has had its ups and downs but I’ve had an okay year I suppose.. maybe the fact that I’m happy now kinda makes me feel like I’ve had a good year… or rather a good ending to the year. I know for a fact that I will have a good start to the year as well.. because I have you. I could not be more thankful to the person who introduced me to the love of my life.. but know that I am ever most grateful. What’s planned for tonight? Well, since Nong & Jimmy’s is closed.. the gang and I are having a BBQ at my place tonight.. so, my beloved childhood buddies.. make sure you guys come on over k. Goodbye 2007, Welcome 2008.

:: What I Don't Wanna Be Without.. ::

Without realising it, it's been exactly a month since I posted up Baby Love into my blog.. the thing is, i wanted to mention about the song again today.. and upon checking when i last write about it, it's exactly a month. That song really does it for me.. It's my feel good song. Just about everytime I hear the song played on the radio, i'd crank up the volume really loud and start singing to it, in the most happiest feeling. I feel like butterflies are flying around and I can't stop grinning from ear-to-ear.. I feel soooo.... happy. Maybe there's a person involved as well.. well, maybe.

Today I was given a reality check. Even though the butterflies flying around are symptoms that I'm deeply in love but the reality of it all is that I can't be.. or rather, I shouldn't be. How I wish that things are different.. That things can be the way I want em to be.. If only, baby. If only...

I'll cross that bridge when I get there.. for some reason, I can see that the end may be near.. but I'm trying to take the longer route to this bridge. When you're with someone as amazing, you don't want your world to crumble and end.. you just wanna crumble in their arms and live a happy ending together instead.

I dont wanna live without your love
I dont wanna face the night alone
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own
I dont wanna love nobody else
I dont wanna find somebody new
I dont wanna live without your love
I just wanna live my life with you

:: In Pursuit of Happiness ::

Someone asked me yesterday, what do I need to make me happy? To keep happy on a daily basis. No one has ever really asked me that question before.. I just assume people would know that it doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

I'm an Aquarian.. and if you're into horoscopes, astrology and signs, you would know that Aquarians are ultra-sensitive people. For me, kalau jaga hati i pun dah cukup. I don't need people to shower me with gifts or surprises.. I'm the type of person who lives for the little things in "love life".. like endearments, cards, jiwang text messages, lovey-dovey emails / notes.. or just spending time making out and/or doing nothing together.. err yeah, i do. I love hearing the voice of the person I love, first thing I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing at night before I fall asleep. I'm a sucker for love songs and romance. I'm a true hopeless romantic at heart. I'm crazee cos I like to go the distance for someone I love. Sometimes, i think it would be nice if i had someone who would go the distance for me.. you know, to feel wanted and needed.. and well, since I don't have such a person in my life, I make it a point to be that person.

What if that person dah rasa dia dah cukup jaga hati i? or they have already compromised more than they think they should for me? Well, we have different levels of satisfaction.. and satisfaction is an individual opinion. What works for you, may not work for me. That's why compromising is vital in a relationship (or not-in-an-R).. again, communication is the only way to go. If you don't talk about it, then you'll just not know.. you can't expect the person to have ESP (extrasensory perception / sixth sense), right? I love communicating cos i'm a very optimistic person. I believe that just about everything can be worked out if two people are willing to talk, listen to each other and compromise. I'm a lovesick puppy.. what I wouldn't do for the person I love.

What makes me happy? Just like every other person, I want to feel appreciated and loved unconditionally. Sadly, i'm a little insecure when it comes to love, so sometimes, I need reassurance and reminders. When the person is really in love with me, they will know what to do. Like I said, it doesn't take much to make me happy.. but the effort definitely earns you points. ;)

Momentarily or for all eternity, I feel lucky to have fallen for you.

:: Makan Hati ::

I feel really emotional tonight.

After my horrid birthday celebration this year, I remember telling a friend of mine that next year, I hope to celebrate the eve of my 28th birthday with someone special. Someone who I love entirely and loves me back the same.

Tonight I realize that it's exactly two months to go til I turn 28.. and somehow, I just don't see it happening-lah.

As it is, I don't mean anything to anyone.. frankly, not one person has ever told me that I am special to them and that they are lucky to have me.. so it looks like I'm gonna be alone again next birthday.

What else is new.

:: All I Want for Christmas.. ::

25 Days to Christmas...

and all I want is you..

31 Days to the New Year..

and all I want is you..

63 Days to my 28th Birthday..

and all I want is you..

76 Days to Valentine's Day..

and all I want is you..

193 Days to your Birthday..

and all I want is you..

i just want you for my own..

more than you could ever know..

make my wish come true..

oh baby all I want for Christmas is you..

...you.. baby.

all I want for Christmas is you.. baby..

all I want for Christmas is you.. baby..

all I want for Christmas is you.. baby..

all I want for Christmas is you.. baby..

:: Ergh ::

I am sooo exhausted. Never have I studied for a paper like that in my life.. cramming up 16 chapters in mere hours was... hell. I have got to tell myself never EVER to do that again! That was horrid.. I was exhausted.. My brain was sooo tired from all the memorizing (which didn't help much.. as half of what i DID memorize was quite useless in fact!)

i came out from the exam hall muttering "crap! crap! crap!" and went to my module to look up answers that I didn't even know existed IN the module in the first place! I know I have changed a lot as a student but maybe my change just isn't enough kot to suit my goals. haha.. goals..

Who knew I'd be rambling about how I might not be getting an A for this paper? Passing is a sure thing though.. however, I think i'm done with those days being the person who would settle to just pass.

I feel a little disappointed in myself kot today. I had a few people try to console me by telling me that it is okay.. that there's another paper to focus on, to go do my best for that one.

*urgh* I should have gotten an A for this paper.. I should have came out of that hall feeling all high and mighty.. but instead, i came out feeling glum..

I had my rice today.. and I slept after my paper, thinking that I'd feel better.. but the minute I woke up, I started feeling all glum again. Time to fine-tune my head.. one more paper to go.

Woohoo.. *roll eyes*

:: For every piece of me that wants you.. ::

...another piece backs away..

Best friends are awesome.

They know how much you wanted to go to JM's concert.. (cos they know you so well, that you'd NEVER let a concert like this pass without a valid reason..)

So, how do they try to make you feel better? They call you when he starts singing your favorite song... Thanks darling. I really appreciate it.. lots. *muahz*

Watched the Amazing Race Asia tonight (to console me from my misery).. as much as I'm not fond of Henry-Terri and Edwin-Monica.. I can't stand the latter more.. Especially during the Detour.. bike assembly. Edwin was going all foul-mouthed the whole time.. and bossing monica around.. I mean, it's not like he's "that great" to begin with.. the one that pissed me off was when he told off his gf by saying that she's quite useless at that point.. (can't remember the exact words but it was also quite similar to what my best friend's boyfriend said to her, not too long ago..)

Yes, you're in a race.. yes, you wanna be quick and stay in the race.. but being rude to your partner is really uncalled for.. esp if that partner is someone you're intimate with.. Gosh, if I was monica.. after getting eliminated, I would definitely eliminate edwin from my life as well.. (theoretically laa.. i never put it to practice though!)

I was never in the best of relationships.. my friends would question me time and time again why i put up with the crap i put up with.. i used to tell them.. relax.. i'll swallow it til i can't swallow anymore.. then i'll walk..

I never really walked though.. i got dumped instead.. haha.. but I know I would have swallowed more crap if we were still together.. apparently my patience knows no limit when in crappy relationships.. funny huh? So, maybe the dumping was a good idea after all.. well, if i wasn't dumped.. then I wouldn't have found you.

:: T-minus 12 Hours ::

A classmate sent me this text message, three days ago.. "I am happy if i can be 70% of you, my role model, good luck!"

Role model? Me?

It's been three days and I'm still unable to absorb her kind, undeserving words.. a role model.. me?

I've been slacking off these last few days... sleeping a tad too much and just unable to focus. even now, in my last 13 hours, i'm blogging.. something I know I wouldn't do if I were really "role model material".. somehow, her words sounded like an expectation.. an expectation that i was scared i might not be able to meet.

What if I don't get 4.0 again this term? Would that mean that I'm not as smart as I thought I was? or would it mean that I didn't put in as much effort as I should have, when I could have? Frankly, I'm a little scared.. I've done quite well in assignments and term tests.. and even on my first paper.. but it's these last two papers that I worry most about.

I'm so scared i will screw up. I have no room to screw up. I can't screw up. Another ex-study groupie of mine sent me this text.. "You tu dari sem lepas macam ni.. tapi pastu, score. Anxiety order kalau tak silap la masa kita belajar sama dulu."

tapi pastu, score? haha... how i wish i was always, always this person. doesn't mean that by doing great the first time, i will always be doing great.. like all the time.. I was never a straight A student. I've taken a lot of things lightly all my life..

...and tonight, i feel pressured.

Great.

Oh, James (Morrison)... how i wish i was there tonight to hear you sing. I didn't think that it would bother me this much that I wasn't going.. but apparently it does bother me.. a lot.

I can't believe that i'm missing your concert tonight.. and I guess I have to stop brooding over it cos what's the point? I'm at home and you're like... there.

I feel extremely sad tonight.. How I miss having someone who would love to do things that I like, with me, right now.. and geez, who would have thought i'd be crying over james morrison's concert.. *shakes head in disbelief*

You'll be playing on my pc tonight.. I think the loneliness is taking over my emotions laa.. The Loneliness (Babyface).. hah.. that's ONE song I should AVOID tonight.. lest, I wanna fuck the exams and end up crying the whole freakin' night.. *sighs*

For every piece of me that wants you.. Another piece backs away...